The Big D

Disappointment that is.

Negative Nellie post coming up! You've been warned!

I finished taking the Provera last Friday. I was expecting to start my period within 2-3 days, but I didn't start until this morning. I was actually relieved because that meant day 3 would fall on Friday when I'm working 8 hours in education and I could stop by the office before going to work. That way I wouldn't have to leave work and worry about someone holding my stuff. So, I called the Dr. Butler's office to let the nurse know I had started and to make sure I needed to come in on Friday. She was looking at the calendar and told me that the embryologist who's responsible for the sperm part of the insemination would be out of the office the week I would be due for the insemination, so they weren't scheduling any procedures. I had two options:

1.  Proceed with the injections and when it would normally be time for the insemination, we could try on our own

2.  Wait another month

*insert silence on my end of the phone call here*

I tried my very best to hold it together and not cry, but that wasn't happening. I'm sure she's used to emotional women on the phone, but I was really trying to be strong. Nope. I mean, I was just CRUSHED. I really didn't know what to say. She said I didn't have to decide today, but I'm thinking, "Is there really more than one option?" We can't afford to do the injections and then it not work because we didn't do the insemination. Some people actually only do the injections and then do the rest on their own. If insurance paid for it or we were loaded, maybe. But shelling out thousands of dollars and then not do everything in our power to increase our chances of it working is just not an option for us.

I mentioned how there were cysts present on the ultrasound I had two weeks ago and asked would they possibly still be there. She said they more than likely would and I'd have to go on birth control to make them go away like I did before we got pregnant with Amelia. I was sort of expecting this, but definitely not expecting being delayed because of scheduling.  So now the plan is to start taking birth control tonight. I'll take it for 28 days, wait for my period to start, then go in on day 3 as planned. But we all know what happens to best-laid plans...

I was in the office with my supervisor when I was on the phone and being the awesome person she is, she let me cry and listened and hugged me and helped me suck it up because I had to.

I know things will work out like they're supposed to and when they're supposed to. But patience is not one of my finest qualities. If this process teaches me anything, it's patience. And faith.

Pray that faith helps me to have patience.

Paralysis By Analysis

I heard this term today and I immediately said, "That is so me. To a T." I will analyze something from every angle until there's nothing left. Nothing left of my sanity either. I will always find something to worry about even after being reassured that everything will work out. And it always does. I just can't help it.

As I've said before, this process is one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever gone through. The only thing I can control is taking the medication I'm currently on (which I'll get to) and giving myself the injections when it's time to. Everything else is up to my body. The same body that can't act right and get pregnant on its own. So maybe it's understandable why I'd worry about every little thing. I just have to trust that things will work out like they're supposed to and roll with the punches. Yikes!

I went to Dr. Butler's office last Wednesday to have an ultrasound and lab work, including a pregnancy test. When the nurse was doing the ultrasound, she mentioned how thick my uterine lining was and I needed to have a cycle (it was day 30). She also showed me how both ovaries have multiple cysts on them. She said they looked polycystic and when I mentioned how Dr. Butler had told me before I didn't have that, she said that the cysts come and go and it would depend on when in my cycle he looked at my ovaries. So I guess that means that my first and second surgeries were done at the time when no cysts are present. Having polycystic ovaries makes sense because I was told about 12 years ago that I had it and I have other symptoms of it, including acne, facial hair, weight gain, etc. So, I guess we'll deal with that when we have to.

But for right now, I'm taking Provera to bring on my period. I started taking it last Wednesday night and will stop taking it this Friday. My period should start 2-3 days after stopping it and then I'll go into the office on day 3 of my cycle for my baseline ultrasound. My concern is that the cysts will still be there and I won't be able to start the injections for another month. I did some research online to see if Provera, which is a contraceptive, would make cysts disappear. From what I've found so far, it doesn't. :-( I've considered calling the office to ask Cynthia or Dee if it would, but I've decided against it because there's nothing I can do about it either way. I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Yikes again!

I should know something by this time next week, so I'll update then. Until then, we have fun plans to be on the lake this weekend to celebrate Memorial Day!

Some good news...

Thomas and I went to Dr. Butler's office this past Friday for an "injections class" for me to learn how to give myself the injections when it's time. My medications came in the mail early last week and my insurance actually paid for one of them! Whoo! This class was mostly a refresher since not much has changed, but I was reminded of the whole process and why and how each medication works. When I told the nurse, Dee, that day 35 of my cycle would be May 19th (a week from today), she said I could start earlier if I wanted to, as long as it was at least 28 days. Yay!

So I'm going in on Wednesday morning for an ultrasound, pregnancy test, and some other labs to make sure I'm not pregnant and that everything looks okay. If I'm not pregnant (and I doubt I will be), I'll start a medication that night and take it for 10 days. My period should start 2-3 days after stopping the med. Once my period starts, I'll go in to the office for a baseline ultrasound to make sure everything looks okay to begin the injections. I'm hoping we don't have a repeat of last time, where the presence of a cyst on my ovary would prevent us from starting the injections this month. I'd have to take birth control to make the cyst go away and wait until my cycle started again. I'm just ready to get this show on the road and I have absolutely no control over it! Dee kind of burst my bubble a bit in the office the other day when she said sometimes the second baby is harder to come by for some reason. Great. Just what I need to hear! But, she's hopeful that since we had success on the first try last time, we'll have it again.

That's all I know for now! Luckily, I have several things going on over the next few weeks to keep my mind occupied. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't want to wish my life away, but I'm ready for this to happen!

Let the countdown begin...

We had our follow-up appointment with Dr. Butler this past Wednesday. He showed me the pictures he took during my surgery, which were unremarkable. Except it was pretty neat to see what my non-functioning ovaries look like. My question to him was: since there was no endometriosis, why am I having 60+ day cycles? He said it's an ovulation issue which was moot at this point because we're going to take care of that with the COHS procedure (Controlled Ovarian Hyperstimulation).

So, here's the plan:

1. Order my medications so I'll have them when it's time to use them.
2. Attend the injections class at the doctor's office to refresh my memory how to use them appropriately.
3. Wait for my period to start. If it doesn't start by day 35, they will give me something to make it start. 
4. Once it does, I'll go into the office on day 3 of my period for a baseline ultrasound and blood work.
5. I'll get a call from the nurse that afternoon to tell me how much medicine to inject that night. 
6. I'll return to the office every couple of days for another ultrasound and blood work to see if a follicle is developing.
7. If it is, I'll adjust the amount of medication I inject each time.
8. When the follicle is mature, I'll do one last injection 2 nights before the insemination procedure.
9. On the day of the procedure, I'll go in to the doctor's office, have the procedure, and resume my normal activity a few hours later. 
10. Then I wait for 2 weeks and hope for a missed period and a positive pregnancy test.

If you know me in real life, you know I'm a planner. I'm OCD that way and I can't help it. This whole procedure kind of takes everything out of your hands and that makes me very nervous. Depending on when I'll have to go in for my ultrasounds, I may have to leave work and have someone hold my stuff. That stresses me out because I don't want to put anyone out while doing this. We were lucky enough to both be off work the day of the procedure last time, so I'm worried that we won't be this time and that stresses me out. I know things will work out and I have to keep telling myself that. So, if you're inclined to pray, please pray for me to have peace and understanding. And for the doctor and his staff to continue in their skilled practice.