The Big D

Disappointment that is.

Negative Nellie post coming up! You've been warned!

I finished taking the Provera last Friday. I was expecting to start my period within 2-3 days, but I didn't start until this morning. I was actually relieved because that meant day 3 would fall on Friday when I'm working 8 hours in education and I could stop by the office before going to work. That way I wouldn't have to leave work and worry about someone holding my stuff. So, I called the Dr. Butler's office to let the nurse know I had started and to make sure I needed to come in on Friday. She was looking at the calendar and told me that the embryologist who's responsible for the sperm part of the insemination would be out of the office the week I would be due for the insemination, so they weren't scheduling any procedures. I had two options:

1.  Proceed with the injections and when it would normally be time for the insemination, we could try on our own

2.  Wait another month

*insert silence on my end of the phone call here*

I tried my very best to hold it together and not cry, but that wasn't happening. I'm sure she's used to emotional women on the phone, but I was really trying to be strong. Nope. I mean, I was just CRUSHED. I really didn't know what to say. She said I didn't have to decide today, but I'm thinking, "Is there really more than one option?" We can't afford to do the injections and then it not work because we didn't do the insemination. Some people actually only do the injections and then do the rest on their own. If insurance paid for it or we were loaded, maybe. But shelling out thousands of dollars and then not do everything in our power to increase our chances of it working is just not an option for us.

I mentioned how there were cysts present on the ultrasound I had two weeks ago and asked would they possibly still be there. She said they more than likely would and I'd have to go on birth control to make them go away like I did before we got pregnant with Amelia. I was sort of expecting this, but definitely not expecting being delayed because of scheduling.  So now the plan is to start taking birth control tonight. I'll take it for 28 days, wait for my period to start, then go in on day 3 as planned. But we all know what happens to best-laid plans...

I was in the office with my supervisor when I was on the phone and being the awesome person she is, she let me cry and listened and hugged me and helped me suck it up because I had to.

I know things will work out like they're supposed to and when they're supposed to. But patience is not one of my finest qualities. If this process teaches me anything, it's patience. And faith.

Pray that faith helps me to have patience.